Julius Polgar, 15, died late in the night of November 11th of suicide by hanging. He was liked and admired by his classmates, by adults for his maturity, and generally felt by all to be quirky and goofy.
And, we didn’t know the depth of his pain. He made plans for clothes shopping and room decorating just hours before he killed himself.
This is not the usual obituary: it’s a message to all other teens who are struggling – with depression, with alienation, with believing you just don’t fit in, that you’re all alone. You are not alone. And for those who read that and thought “He doesn’t know me, I actually am alone,” yes, I am talking most of all to you. You will find your support only if you reach out. Look for the helpers. The first person you test these waters with may not be the one who is ready to hear you, but try again. Any mistake about who or when to talk to someone can be repaired. Suicide is a mistake with no repair.
Think of the kids on your right and left in class. One of the 3 of you is likely suffering, perhaps all three of you. The silence about depression is the fatal epidemic, not the depression itself.
I, his father, suffered severe depression with suicide attempts in my teens, and IT GETS BETTER. The darkness and isolation feels like it will never end – I know – but it will end, and even sooner if you will only speak up. The teacher who talked to me and heard my depressed and broken voice never knew he saved my life until I told him 20 years later. All he did was connect with me and hear me without doing anything. And he did that because I took the step that seemed impossible: I reached out.
Do it now. Don’t wait until the darkness is so oppressive you can’t move. And when it is indeed that dark, do it especially then. If only one of you reading this can make a different choice, then Julius’s suffering and suicide will not be a total loss.
Please direct any donations toward Arthur Morgan School, Parkway Playhouse or the Mountain Heritage Theater Department.
-Jonathan Polgar & Jennifer Dorfield
